Horror is a thing you can’t watch, terror a thing that you can never look away from…flowers are terror-ific.
Ohhiya!
Welcome to the Balendup community garden, the biggest community garden in the extended shire of Balendup (no matter what the rotary club keep putting up on that HORRID sign of theirs)…..anyway!
At the Community garden, biggest in the shire, we pride ourselves, on not only the range but also on just how much we give a gosh darn bit about every plant and pot in this blessed place. I’m almost as pleased as a mango punch, little flower joke for you there, to be volunteering in the garden and hope y’all have just the best time today!
Come on I’ll show you around!
Now you may have seen the hardy little Agapanthus along Balendup council strips, well this here is a very close, very exciting, relative.
In the 1920s, the Agapanther was genetically rectified, from being a normally herbaceous plant, into a carnivorous lilioid monocot that has kept this garden possum free since its planting.
I’m not a smarty pants like the scientists, so I don’t know what they were trying to create when they spliced a slow flowering plant with a large predatory cat but anyway, let’s move on….It’s caught our sent.
The community garden was started long ago now and we’ve had so many additions over time just like this little spiky fella.
Don’t touch this happy little cactus unless you’re a real green thumb like me!
I’m serious, only one with green thumbs has built up enough resilience to withstand the venom, yes the venom! DO NOT TOUCH IT! You have been warned.
Ooh won’t you just look at these roses! I love how they float like that this time of year, truly beautiful.
Now along this way is the triffid enclosure but don’t worry, we’ve had the glass reinforced.
We might still walk quickly though. One, two, one, two, one, two! Please keep up!
Hey look!
I don’t have to tell you what this little flower is…… Literally, I am legally encouraged not to tell you what it is called. It’s Latin name is unpronounceable in common tongue & if read in braille it will give you carpal tunnel. It might be best if you forget about the flower, this little forgettable flower.
Some, in the past, have told me that this next shrub isn’t a plant at all and well, I’d forgive you if you shared that opinion.
I mean, heck! How could a featureless black orb, that is impossible to hold or grip in any way and that projects complete isolative terror right into the smallest, most fragile, part of your being, be a plant? How…….can…
Let’s all avert our gaze and move on…….The shakes won’t stop, they never stop.
Further along you’ll see the robinia tree that was donated by the country women’s association three years ago, it’s such a nice tree!
Well that’s the tour!
Thanks for stopping by and we’ll see ya soon!
-I want to leave but can not please send help. I don’t want to die here, not again, never again. I return always return, I have no mouth and yet I must scream. Oh no please no please no-
Jacob McCray
-2018
Sunday Short Stories 