While ambling down main street, not one month ago, I passed the local graveyard. Now I am in no way a morose person but the whims of the fickle caused me to take a stroll within.
As I passed some beautifully constructed memorials my wanderings approached two Gravediggers toiling upon a fresh grave.
One, A rather portly man of thuggish disposition, noticed me while leaning upon his shovel and dabbing at his brow with a kerchief. “Look’e here Ronnie! There’s a rabble approaching” he spoke as I approached, thumping his shovel into the churned earth. His fail companion slowly replied.
“What’s that Ronny? A Rabbit?”
“No you idiot! Look!” turning to face me, the portly Ronny greeted me with the unpracticed charm of a basset hound.
“Oi oi! Hullo Stranger. Well met on this fine grey mourning!” scrabbling from the hole, the second Gravedigger slouched beside his friend and gestured to the half dug grave.
“Welcome to the office. I’m Ronnie and this ere’ is Ronny.” as if rehearsed the second continued.
“But don’t be confused. I’m Ronny with a Y, as in Yellow.”
“And I’m Ronnie with an ‘IE’ as in Philanthropist” .
Spitting in anger the Ronny cuffed his friend upon the ear. “You idiot! Philanthropist doesn’t have an IE”
“Well If I could spell it I wouldn’t be a gravedigger then would I?” the injured Ronnie whimpered seconds before another voice interrupted the moment.
“Ah hello! Is someone out there?-”
WACK
With a swiftness unbecoming of a fat man, Ronny clattered his shovel upon the lid of the coffin as it appeared to speak.
“Shut up Barry! You’ll frighten off our guest!” noticing my fright, the frail looking Ronnie gestured with a shrug.
“You see Barry, in the box here, cut off old Ronny’s wife’s face, absolute shame that was.” a stuttered reply came from within the coffin
“I didn’t! He stabbed my wif-”
“Shut up Barry!” the two gravediggers chimed in unison followed such a sharp kick to the coffin that both Barry and his entrapment tumbled into the grave. Perplexed, Ronnie stood staring down at the mess before him.
“Daw look-it what ye gone and done now Barry, We’d only half dug that hole.”
It was then I decided to take up jogging.
Jacob McCray
-2018
Sunday Short Stories 