'If this works, I will send you the equipment back straight away. If it doesn't, you'll get the pieces.' That's what every scientist said as they scrawled their name onto the rental lease with their stolen biro, 'Hope to have it back to you soon.' Holding a notably fragile 1986 resonance spectrometer under their arm, … Continue reading Pieces of Equipment
Tag: comedy
Bin Day
'Don't get up, it's Bin Day.' The rattling call of the garbage truck could always be heard some thirty minutes before it swung round onto Ardent St and parked in front of my doorstep. Acute heading and a troublesome back had lent me to the unfortunate rousing of a light-sleeper, and in the forthcoming line … Continue reading Bin Day
A Letter for the Accountant
'There are very few people on this earth that I would describe as being a mould,' Joseph tutted, removing his glasses, and hunching over his desk with the applied gravity of remembering an unpleasant smell, 'A limpid sort of fellow, quite able to stagnate the air around him. Is fester too harsh a word? Don't … Continue reading A Letter for the Accountant
The Vampire Beatle
Just a quick note that this contains elements of horror. Ringo Starr is a vampire. I know it sounds crazy, I've gone half-mad just trying to accept It myself, but I saw him last night, I saw him in the pale light of moonless sky, and I believe he was a vampire. I should start … Continue reading The Vampire Beatle
A New Day
The tiles were cold. In the flicker of straying sunlight, the faint outline of a shirt, half-hung from the open washing machine, appeared to be alike some kind of misshapen beast crawling its way back from the abyss. It was pallid creature of crumpled skin and flannel texture, a voiceless horror without hand nor face: … Continue reading A New Day
Following Through a Crowd pt.2
They were following me... I had seen them, watching me from the café, their hollow eyes like knives both silent and patient, they had regarded me for no more than a second, but it was a look that held the weight of an anvil within its intent. The shopping centre was cold, it was nearly … Continue reading Following Through a Crowd pt.2
Following through a crowd pt.1
I hate crowds and it is the Christmas rush that brings out the worst in them.People forget how to walk, they stand in the middle of an aisle gawking at their phones or staring vacantly into some over-tinseled display; It's a wall of calendars not an art gallery, grab the first one you see and … Continue reading Following through a crowd pt.1
Tinned Peas and a Bottle of Beer
'Did you know that a beer bottle fits perfectly inside an empty can of snow-peas?' 'What are you on about?' Claire replied, vocally severing the prefix off of the word nonplussed and tossing the lexical fragment into a bin, 'Please don't tell me this is how you spent the day, Martin, you were supposed to … Continue reading Tinned Peas and a Bottle of Beer
Mad Men Making Progress II
'You see, my previous assistant was the type of fellow who was adjacently smart,' mumbled Dr Bertram Everbridge in a distracted gesture to the otherwise empty air around him. Turning with a lockstep of militant precision, the crazed scientist began to pace along his favourite walking rut all the while rambling about old bits of … Continue reading Mad Men Making Progress II
It’s Hard To Take a Wrong Turn On a Ladder
'Where'd you go Nigel?' Harlow yelled out while looking out toward the infinitely spiralling network of ladders that encompassed her newly designed A8-2340 grain silo. Tense with apprehension, she had been waiting for nervously for the test graining process of her new silo and was worried about how explosive it would be when compared to … Continue reading It’s Hard To Take a Wrong Turn On a Ladder
Sunday Short Stories 